7.1 Document for Analysis: Wordy, Woeful E-Mail (Obj. 1)
Your Task. The following poorly organized and poorly written e-mail message needs revision. Study the message and list its specific weaknesses. Then revise it to create a polite, concise, and readable message.
To: Department Managers
From: Mellanie Mankin
Subject: New People
This is to inform you that we are, after a long period in which we were forbidden to hire at all, considering hiring new employees. The economy seems to finally be improving (Yea!), and everyone is pleased that it might actually be looking up. We have five candidates lined up to be interviewed, and your presence is required to avoid making some bad decisions. Mark your calendars for three upcoming interviewing sessions. The first is May 5 in the Conference Room. The second meeting is scheduled for May 9 in Office 22 (the Conference Room was already scheduled). On MayÂ 12 we can finish up in the Conference Room
Attached are rÃ©sumÃ©s of the five candidates we have scheduled. As you will note, these are very promising candidates. In view of the fact that your projects need talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared. This is our chance to work together to hire the top people you select and need. For these interviews to be successful, you must examine all the candidatesâ€™ rÃ©sumÃ©s and send me your ranking lists.
Mellanie Mankin, Manager [full contact information]