5.12 Document for Analysis: Faulty E-Mail Message (Objs. 3âˆ’5)
Your Task. The following e-mail suffers from numerous writing faults such as dangling modifiers, overuse of the passive voice, and fragments. Notice that small superscript numbers identify each sentence or group of words. Individually or in a group, analyze this message and list the faulty sentences or groups of words. You should find three sentences with dangling modifiers, seven with passive voice, and three fragments. Be sure your group agrees on its analysis. Your instructor may ask you to revise the message to remedy its faults.
From: Janice Rivera
Subject: Expanding Your Workouts at 24-Hour Gym
Dear Mr. Long,
124-Hour Gym here in Seattle was probably selected by you because it is one of the top-rated gyms in the Northwest. 2Our principal goal has always been making your workouts productive. 3 To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed.
4An outstanding program with quality equipment and excellent trainers has been provided by 24-Hour Gym. 5However, more individual attention could be given by us to our customers if our peak usage time could be extended. 6 You have probably noticed that attendance at the gym increases from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. 7 We wish it were possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours. 8Although we canâ€™t stretch an hour. 9 We would like to make better use of the time between 8 p.m. and 11 p.m. 10If more members came later, the gym would have less crush from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.
11To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by my partner and me. 12Cameras for some inside facilities may also be added. 13This matter has been given considerable thought. 14Although 24-Hour Gym has never previously had an incident that endangered a member.
15Please fill in the attached interactive questionnaire. 16Which will give us instant feedback about scheduling your workouts. 17By completing this questionnaire, your workouts and training sessions can be better planned so that you can enjoy exactly the equipment and trainers you prefer. Cordially,